It’s December 23th, and I already feel like Christmas is… off. Not in a dramatic, end-of-the-world way, but in the kind of quiet way that sits heavy in your chest. Why? Because my family decided to change how we do gifts this year. Instead of the usual tradition of buying for everyone, we’re doing a Secret Santa. You know, the whole “pick a name from a hat, buy one gift, and call it a day” thing.
I know plenty of families do this, and for many, it works beautifully. But for mine? It feels like losing something irreplaceable.
What Christmas Used to Mean
Growing up, Christmas in my family was about one thing: thoughtfulness. It wasn’t about extravagant gifts or big budgets. It was about the effort. Everyone made a point to find something for every family member, no matter how small.
I’ve spent hours wandering through shops, searching for the perfect gift for my aunt, even though I only see her a few times a year. I’d pick out little things that reminded me of her, like her favorite chocolates or a book on a subject she’d casually mentioned months before. It wasn’t about how much I spent—it was about the thought behind it.
Every Christmas morning, we’d gather around the tree and take turns opening gifts, each one a small reminder of how much we cared for one another. It wasn’t the presents themselves but the effort that made those moments feel magical.
This Year Feels Different
But this year, everything’s changed. My family decided that buying gifts for everyone was “too much.” Instead, we’re doing a Secret Santa, with each person buying just one gift within a €100–150 budget. For some, that might sound reasonable, but for me, that budget is what I usually spend on gifts for 12 people.
And the thing is, it’s not about the money. It’s about the magic that comes from putting thought into something personal for each person. A small candle that smells like the one they always burn at home. A scarf in their favorite color. A book they casually mentioned wanting to read. Those little things, those moments of connection, are what make Christmas special to me.
Why It Stings
Here’s the part that’s hardest for me: my family isn’t struggling financially. If money were tight, I’d get it. We’d adjust, focus on what matters, and make the best of it. But that’s not the reason. The reason, apparently, is effort.
The effort to think about each person. The effort to go out and find something just for them. That’s what’s missing this year. And for me, that effort is the whole point of Christmas.
Instead of gathering around the tree with piles of small, thoughtful gifts, we’ll sit there with one present each. We’ll try to pretend it’s the same, but it’s not. The connection, the joy, the thoughtfulness—it all feels smaller somehow.
Am I Being Too Sensitive?
I know I probably sound dramatic. Maybe I am. But this change feels like a symptom of something bigger. Christmas used to be about showing up for each other, in every sense of the word. We made the effort. We showed we cared, not just with gifts but with time, thought, and love.
This year, it feels like we’re saying, “You’re not worth the trouble.” And that hurts.
A Hope for the Season
I know Christmas is about more than gifts. It’s about connection, togetherness, and love. But for me, the gifts were never just about the items themselves. They were symbols of thoughtfulness, small tokens that said, “I see you. I know you. I care about you.”
This year, I’m trying to hold onto that spirit, even if the tradition has changed. Maybe it’s a lesson in finding new ways to connect. Or maybe it’s just me learning to let go of what was and embrace what is.
But part of me still hopes that the magic of Christmas—the real magic—finds its way back to us.
What do you think? Am I being too sensitive, or does Christmas feel different for you this year too? 🎄
