This article was originally published on Medium. You can read the original version here.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of avoidance? That feeling of being paralyzed by the weight of a problem, unable to step out the door, let alone face the world? For me, it’s become a pattern I’ve tried to understand, and break, countless times. When things go wrong, instead of tackling them head-on, my instinct is to retreat. To hide. To convince myself that staying home is somehow safer, even when I know deep down it isn’t helping.

Here’s what I’ve learned about why this happens and how I’m trying to change it.

The Overwhelm of Problems

When I encounter a problem, whether it’s a missed deadline, a tough conversation I’ve been avoiding, or even an unexpected bill : my brain immediately goes into overdrive. Suddenly, what should be a solvable issue morphs into something much larger. It’s as if the problem casts a shadow over everything else in my life.

Leaving the house, in these moments, feels impossible. Why? Because stepping outside means stepping into the world that’s demanding something of me, a world where I might be judged, questioned, or expected to act. Staying home feels like a temporary shield, even though I know that shield is paper-thin.

The Comfort of Familiar Spaces

There’s something about home that feels safe when the outside world feels like too much. My home is where I have control : over the noise, the people, the environment. It’s predictable. Out there, anything can happen. What if I bump into someone I know? What if they ask me how I’m doing and I don’t have an answer? What if something happens that adds even more to my already overwhelming pile of stress?

Home becomes my cocoon. But here’s the catch: cocooning only works if you’re actively transforming inside it. And too often, staying home isn’t about transformation : it’s about avoidance.

Fear of Failure and Judgment

Another piece of this puzzle is the fear of failing in the face of the problem. If I stay home, I can delay failure. I can push it to tomorrow, or the day after that, and pretend I still have control. But if I step outside and try to fix things, I risk making the problem worse, or worse, discovering that I can’t fix it at all.

Then there’s the judgment. Whether it’s real or imagined, the thought of people seeing me struggle is almost unbearable. It’s easier to stay invisible, to wait until I’m “better,” before I face the world again. Except, as you might guess, that day doesn’t come on its own.

Breaking the Cycle

So, how do I stop this? How do I pull myself out of the cycle of retreat and into action? It’s something I’m still working on, but here’s what’s been helping me:

Naming the Problem

Often, the thing I’m avoiding feels so huge because I haven’t fully named it. When I write it down or say it out loud, it becomes less abstract. Instead of “Everything is falling apart,” it becomes “I need to figure out how to pay this bill” or “I need to call and apologize.” Naming the problem makes it manageable.

Taking Tiny Steps

If leaving the house feels like too much, I start small. Maybe it’s stepping onto the porch. Maybe it’s just putting on my shoes. Action builds momentum, even if it feels insignificant at first.

Reminding Myself That I’m Not Alone

Everyone struggles. I try to remember that if I ran into someone I know, they wouldn’t be thinking, “Look at them failing.” They’d probably be thinking about their own struggles, or maybe even offering to help.

Creating Accountability

Telling someone about my plan to face the problem, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or even a journal, makes it harder to back out. Accountability keeps me honest.

Final Thoughts

Staying home when I have a problem isn’t about laziness or indifference. It’s about fear. Fear of judgment, failure, and the unknown. But what I’m starting to learn is that the only way out of fear is through it. Staying home might feel safe in the moment, but it often makes the problem bigger and the world outside scarier.

The next time I feel the urge to hide, I’m going to remind myself that problems don’t shrink in the shadows. They shrink when I face them, one tiny, imperfect step at a time. And if you’ve ever felt this way, I hope you’ll join me in trying to step outside, even when it’s hard. Because we deserve to face our problems, and the world, with courage.

This article first appeared on Medium on December 15 2024, on my profile Aurora.Ai and has been republished here for my readers.